#12 Why My First Real Failure Still Matters More Than Any Rank

It’s been almost four months since I last wrote a blog.
In these four months, I’ve been trying my best to stay consistent with YouTube, posting videos three days a week, being regular with my Pathfinder problem discussions, and keeping my students engaged.

And honestly, I thought I was doing a fairly good job.

But today, something unexpected happened.

When I casually asked my students whether they’ve been following my problem-solving videos, one student quietly said, “Dada, I miss your blogs. They were far more interesting.”

That one line hit me harder than any dislike in YouTube ever could.

Because she was right.

Problem videos help, but they don’t always inspire.
Motivation, clarity, vulnerability - these are often found in stories, not in solutions.

And if there’s one thing I’ve always believed, it’s that students come first.
So here I am… writing again after four long months, and this time I’m promising myself to stay consistent here too.

A story about my first failure

Mid-November. Delhi was wrapped in a blanket of smog, like the whole city was tired of breathing.

7 AM. School time.

Mriganka knocked at my door. We wore those British-style red coats and headed out.

My mood matched the sky dull and heavy.

KVPY SA results had come out.

KVPY was never my main target, JEE Advanced always was. But this exam mattered because it was the first national-level test many of us attempted, it was a mirror showing where you stood in your preparation.

I, Nimesh, and Mriganka cleared Stage 1 and went for the interview.

My interview was… terrible.

The professors at IISc grilled me for half an hour. Not questioned, GRILLED.

I sat there, barely holding myself together, waiting for the 30 minute bell to rescue me from that suffocating room.

As expected, I wasn’t selected.

That was the first real heartbreak for 16-year-old Soumyadeep.

Mriganka lived right opposite my door. The moment results came out, I heard his excitement through the corridor. IISc was his dream, after all.

His mother rushed to mine, saying,

“Result aiya porse, mriganka r hoiya gese!” (The results are out, my son has cleared it)

My mother peeked from the kitchen and asked softly,

“Ki re holo?”

I didn’t say anything.

A tear fell on the coordinate geometry problem I was solving.

She understood everything without a word.

It’s strange, KVPY was never my dream, but seeing a friend succeed in something you failed at… it stings in ways you can’t describe.
They say “your competition is with yourself,” but anyone preparing for such exams knows that comparison, jealousy, and frustration are very real parts of this journey.

The fight after the fall

The next few days were impossible.

Every time I sat down to study, that interview flashed in front of me again.

My mother’s silent face came back to me, how she stopped herself from asking more because she sensed my pain.

And I kept asking myself,

“What if I fail in JEE too?”

“Maybe I’m not worth it.”

“Maybe average students can never become toppers.”

Consistency melted into frustration.

Frustration turned into self-doubt.

And before I realised, backlog after backlog piled up.

It happens to everyone.

Yes, even to the ones you call “toppers.”

People love to see the final medal, but no one sees the nights when you question your entire identity.

But here’s the truth I learnt the hard way:

It’s okay to fall. But you must rise. And rise again. And again.

Champions aren’t the ones who never fall; they’re the ones who dust off the mud and keep running.

Today, when someone hears “IIT Kharagpur,” they assume my life was smooth, that I’ve always been a ranker.

If only they knew how many times I’ve broken down, lost track, failed, and restarted.

The path you choose defines the number of times you’ll fall and JEE is not a smooth path.

Today, nobody asks me whether I cleared KVPY Stage 2 or not.

Nobody cares.

But back then, if someone had told me to forget KVPY and focus on JEE, I probably wouldn’t have listened.

Pain feels big when you’re living inside it.

But with time… they lose their sharpness.

You will face multiple failures, heartbreaks, comparisons, but trust me, people remember only how you ended the race, not where you slipped.

Consistency is not about never breaking rhythm.

It’s about returning to rhythm every time life knocks you out of tune.

And today, after 4 months, I am returning to this blog — because one student reminded me of a version of myself I had left behind.

If you’re reading this, and if you’re struggling…

just know:

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to return.

Me and Mriganka in the waiting room of FIITJEE KVPY Mock Interview

FIITJEE Auditorium filling KVPY Information Bulletin

Me and Nimesh - The duo that couldn't make it to IISC, but made it to IITs xD